Post by robertd on Nov 26, 2012 13:27:33 GMT -5
Okay. For starters, this isn't Bill Watts's UWF. Watts didn't have the foresight to copyright "Universal Wrestling Federation". This UWF was started by Herb Abrams, a man who managed between himself and his promotion to rack up four Wrestling Observer awards, Worst Announcer(Abrams) Worst Promotion(1991) Worst TV Show )(Fury Hour also 91)and Worst major Wrestling Event(BlackJack Brawl 1994). So, was UWF really that bad? I mean, they have a television deal on a major station SportsChannel America that ran 69 episodes, and even were on ESPN2 for 24 episodes. They had Bruno Sammartino involved. They must have had something, right?
What they had, in the beginning was name value. The television deals were based more on Abrams convincing the companies UWF was a profitable name, and he would feature top names that had followings on other shows before. Abrams knew how to cut deals. Before people realized exactly what kind of man Abrams was, and how bad a product they would end up with, he had secured several international distribution deals, and even had involvement from Zoogz Rift! Rift, was a musician who thought the 80's and 90's were a good time to try and copy Frank Zappa as a musician. He wanted to foray into wrestling, and even managed to be the booker for UWF for awhile. Why that was a good idea, i don't get either, but that's the "brilliance" of Abrams.
This tape feature Beach Brawl, UWF's only PPV.
Beach Brawl (1991)
This is UWF's only PPV. It did a whopping 0.10 and drew 550 people. It was held in the Manatee Civic Center in Florida, which could hold 4,000 people. So there's a lot of empty seats to say the least.
The BlackHearts versus Fire Cat and Jim Cooper.
Star power galore to open the show. The Blackhearts are Tom Nash(named Apocolypse) and David Heath(named Destruction). Heath of course is better known as Vampire Warrior and Gangrel, and the man "lucky" enough to have been married to Luna Vachon, who is present at ringside. Fire Cat is former JTTS Brady Boone, or if you prefer Battle Kat. Boone wasn't a bad wrestler, as he was very athletic, just could never get his career going. Sadly, he passed in 1998, in an accident driving home from a taping, WCW Saturday Night, where he was trying to relaunch his career. The match is terrible. Fire Cat tries his best, but Cooper and The Blackhearts have nothing to offer, and after 7 lackluster minutes, Heath(Destruction) picks up the win.
Pass: Get used to this word, I'll be typing it a lot.
Terry Gordy versus Johnny Ace (Street Fight)
One of the toughest men in wrestling, against the Dynamic Dude himself? In a Street Fight? What could go wrong there? Well, for starters it all of six minutes long, and ends in a double count out. A double count out in a street fight is what Abrams thought would help sell his company on it's first PPV. I would have loved this match, even with the ending, had it been 6 minutes of Gordy making Ace cry like a girl, then punching him for every tear. But Ace was seen as a potential next level guy for Abrams, so instead we get Gordy trying to fight, while Ace uses his vast array of technical knowledge. He should have just whacked him with a skateboard.
Pass: If anybody watches this match, and can tell me one good reason it should be a watch, I may have to hit you with a skateboard for comic relief.
Masked Confusion versus The Power Twins
Ahh yes, Masked Confusion. Remember how WWF had a tag team named The Killer Bees, who during a match would slip on bee masks to confuse the referee? Abrams did. And he Signed that team, Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell and decide that little in-match trickery should be their entire gimmick. So instead of taking a known team and using the masks as a little trick, he made them masked guys who no one even recognized, which kind of killed their appeal as draws. Eventually they were found out, but continued wrestling with the masks, as hoping they wouldn't be recognized on this show for any future employers. The Power Twins are Larry and David Power, who look the part as both are strong-looking guys. Masked Confusion wins this one, in oddly enough the longest match of the whole show at just 12 minutes.
Watch: If you want to see a gimmick gone wrong, this match is a watchable one for that reason alone
Rockin Robin versus Candi Devine Women's World Championship
I don't care about women's wrestling. I said it. No amount of blond hair or silicone boobies will ever change that. Abrams didn't even have his own women's division, he just featured title matches for WWOW girls. Both these women were known for there time in WWF, and Robin is Jake Roberts half-sister. That's the only interesting things I can say about this match. Robin wins after 6 minutes.
Pass: No reason should need to be given.
Paul Orndoff versus Col Debeers Strap Match
Hey, one of my favorite guys from the 80's in a strap match, this has got to be good, right? Orndoff was supposed to be UWF's long-term top draw. So, to put him over, he wins a strap match in a ridiculous 4 minutes. It took longer to get the strap on! Col. Debeers was best known as that "racist South African wrestler" in AWA, but my favorite memory will always be him pulling an uncooked turkey from a pole, only to have the turkey stolen when the ref was out, causing him to lose that match. By this point, all I can say is the matches are short enough, it's almost over.
Pass: Give a strap to two homeless people with a vague promise of a sandwich and a bottle of Thunderbird instead.
Bob Backlund versus Ivan Kollof
Just forget this match. Backlund was dull as dishwater, having not yet snapped and become relevant again, and Kolof is well, Koloff. Backlund wins in 2:23 seconds. Yep, a PPV match that doesn't go three minutes.
Pass: The Youtube ads before the videos would take longer to sit through than this match.
Steve Ray and Sunny Beach versus Cactus Jack and Bob Orton Jr
Sigh.....
Okay, Steve Ray and Abrams were good friends behind the scenes. Until the two things that always break up a bromance came into play, money and a woman. Ray owed Abrams some money shortly after this show. Abrams also had a hunch Ray was canoodling his wife. Later this was discovered to be false. So, at a taping of UWF's tv show Fury Hour, Abrams offered to pay Steve Williams the whopping sum of 100 dollars!!! to break Ray's nose during their match. And Abrams,being the fine guy he was, then aired that match on his show the next week. More on the scumminess of Abrams at the end of this show. I feel like I should know Sunny Beach more, but I can't recall anything more on him. Cactus and Orton need no introduction. They also apparently need no win, as they lose this match in 4 minutes.
Pass: Track down the match where Williams shoots on Ray and splatters his noise.
Steve Williams versus Bam Bam Bigalow UWF SportsChannel Television Championship
The main event and last match, thank god. Abrams didn't even have a Heavyweight title for the first while his company was active, instead choosing to have his big belt be named after the channel that his show was on. Even though, technically it was on two, but whatever. It should be noted, that BlackJack Brawl, the UWF's Clash of the Champions-type television event which aired on the channel the belt is named after, featured 8 Title Matches (that's right, this crappy company had 8 titles at one time, yet only ever held one PPV) but this championship was not one of them. This match was actually quite watchable, as both guys at this point were in decent shape and still had some skill. Williams would win, of course.
Watch: Probably the only good match UWF ever produced.
So, how bad was this show? After the buys came in and the gate was announced, Abrams was told no PPV company would waste their time showing a UWF show again. That's right, the industry that gave WWA more than one show wouldn't even consider another Abrams PPV.
Abrams, indeed was a deluded individual. He liked to think of himself as one of wrestling's pioneer promoters. Not that I like to laugh at the death of any man, but Abrams death was the direct cause of this promotion being shut down, as the circumstances of his death made it untouchable. In 1996, Abrams was found cranked up on cocaine, naked in his office, covered in something similar to Vasoline and caked with cocaine all over his body. He was arrested and while being processed, suffered a massive heart attack and died at the police station.
What they had, in the beginning was name value. The television deals were based more on Abrams convincing the companies UWF was a profitable name, and he would feature top names that had followings on other shows before. Abrams knew how to cut deals. Before people realized exactly what kind of man Abrams was, and how bad a product they would end up with, he had secured several international distribution deals, and even had involvement from Zoogz Rift! Rift, was a musician who thought the 80's and 90's were a good time to try and copy Frank Zappa as a musician. He wanted to foray into wrestling, and even managed to be the booker for UWF for awhile. Why that was a good idea, i don't get either, but that's the "brilliance" of Abrams.
This tape feature Beach Brawl, UWF's only PPV.
Beach Brawl (1991)
This is UWF's only PPV. It did a whopping 0.10 and drew 550 people. It was held in the Manatee Civic Center in Florida, which could hold 4,000 people. So there's a lot of empty seats to say the least.
The BlackHearts versus Fire Cat and Jim Cooper.
Star power galore to open the show. The Blackhearts are Tom Nash(named Apocolypse) and David Heath(named Destruction). Heath of course is better known as Vampire Warrior and Gangrel, and the man "lucky" enough to have been married to Luna Vachon, who is present at ringside. Fire Cat is former JTTS Brady Boone, or if you prefer Battle Kat. Boone wasn't a bad wrestler, as he was very athletic, just could never get his career going. Sadly, he passed in 1998, in an accident driving home from a taping, WCW Saturday Night, where he was trying to relaunch his career. The match is terrible. Fire Cat tries his best, but Cooper and The Blackhearts have nothing to offer, and after 7 lackluster minutes, Heath(Destruction) picks up the win.
Pass: Get used to this word, I'll be typing it a lot.
Terry Gordy versus Johnny Ace (Street Fight)
One of the toughest men in wrestling, against the Dynamic Dude himself? In a Street Fight? What could go wrong there? Well, for starters it all of six minutes long, and ends in a double count out. A double count out in a street fight is what Abrams thought would help sell his company on it's first PPV. I would have loved this match, even with the ending, had it been 6 minutes of Gordy making Ace cry like a girl, then punching him for every tear. But Ace was seen as a potential next level guy for Abrams, so instead we get Gordy trying to fight, while Ace uses his vast array of technical knowledge. He should have just whacked him with a skateboard.
Pass: If anybody watches this match, and can tell me one good reason it should be a watch, I may have to hit you with a skateboard for comic relief.
Masked Confusion versus The Power Twins
Ahh yes, Masked Confusion. Remember how WWF had a tag team named The Killer Bees, who during a match would slip on bee masks to confuse the referee? Abrams did. And he Signed that team, Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell and decide that little in-match trickery should be their entire gimmick. So instead of taking a known team and using the masks as a little trick, he made them masked guys who no one even recognized, which kind of killed their appeal as draws. Eventually they were found out, but continued wrestling with the masks, as hoping they wouldn't be recognized on this show for any future employers. The Power Twins are Larry and David Power, who look the part as both are strong-looking guys. Masked Confusion wins this one, in oddly enough the longest match of the whole show at just 12 minutes.
Watch: If you want to see a gimmick gone wrong, this match is a watchable one for that reason alone
Rockin Robin versus Candi Devine Women's World Championship
I don't care about women's wrestling. I said it. No amount of blond hair or silicone boobies will ever change that. Abrams didn't even have his own women's division, he just featured title matches for WWOW girls. Both these women were known for there time in WWF, and Robin is Jake Roberts half-sister. That's the only interesting things I can say about this match. Robin wins after 6 minutes.
Pass: No reason should need to be given.
Paul Orndoff versus Col Debeers Strap Match
Hey, one of my favorite guys from the 80's in a strap match, this has got to be good, right? Orndoff was supposed to be UWF's long-term top draw. So, to put him over, he wins a strap match in a ridiculous 4 minutes. It took longer to get the strap on! Col. Debeers was best known as that "racist South African wrestler" in AWA, but my favorite memory will always be him pulling an uncooked turkey from a pole, only to have the turkey stolen when the ref was out, causing him to lose that match. By this point, all I can say is the matches are short enough, it's almost over.
Pass: Give a strap to two homeless people with a vague promise of a sandwich and a bottle of Thunderbird instead.
Bob Backlund versus Ivan Kollof
Just forget this match. Backlund was dull as dishwater, having not yet snapped and become relevant again, and Kolof is well, Koloff. Backlund wins in 2:23 seconds. Yep, a PPV match that doesn't go three minutes.
Pass: The Youtube ads before the videos would take longer to sit through than this match.
Steve Ray and Sunny Beach versus Cactus Jack and Bob Orton Jr
Sigh.....
Okay, Steve Ray and Abrams were good friends behind the scenes. Until the two things that always break up a bromance came into play, money and a woman. Ray owed Abrams some money shortly after this show. Abrams also had a hunch Ray was canoodling his wife. Later this was discovered to be false. So, at a taping of UWF's tv show Fury Hour, Abrams offered to pay Steve Williams the whopping sum of 100 dollars!!! to break Ray's nose during their match. And Abrams,being the fine guy he was, then aired that match on his show the next week. More on the scumminess of Abrams at the end of this show. I feel like I should know Sunny Beach more, but I can't recall anything more on him. Cactus and Orton need no introduction. They also apparently need no win, as they lose this match in 4 minutes.
Pass: Track down the match where Williams shoots on Ray and splatters his noise.
Steve Williams versus Bam Bam Bigalow UWF SportsChannel Television Championship
The main event and last match, thank god. Abrams didn't even have a Heavyweight title for the first while his company was active, instead choosing to have his big belt be named after the channel that his show was on. Even though, technically it was on two, but whatever. It should be noted, that BlackJack Brawl, the UWF's Clash of the Champions-type television event which aired on the channel the belt is named after, featured 8 Title Matches (that's right, this crappy company had 8 titles at one time, yet only ever held one PPV) but this championship was not one of them. This match was actually quite watchable, as both guys at this point were in decent shape and still had some skill. Williams would win, of course.
Watch: Probably the only good match UWF ever produced.
So, how bad was this show? After the buys came in and the gate was announced, Abrams was told no PPV company would waste their time showing a UWF show again. That's right, the industry that gave WWA more than one show wouldn't even consider another Abrams PPV.
Abrams, indeed was a deluded individual. He liked to think of himself as one of wrestling's pioneer promoters. Not that I like to laugh at the death of any man, but Abrams death was the direct cause of this promotion being shut down, as the circumstances of his death made it untouchable. In 1996, Abrams was found cranked up on cocaine, naked in his office, covered in something similar to Vasoline and caked with cocaine all over his body. He was arrested and while being processed, suffered a massive heart attack and died at the police station.
